Who knew planning a wedding would be akin to staging a major Broadway production? To help
out with your co-directorial debut, I have prepared a cross-section of the wedding day cast of
characters. (Keep in mind that most roles can be played by either gender, and by as many
people as you want.)
Best Man/Attendant
This guy (and rarely gals) acts as groom's valet (personal aide and advisor) through all stages of
wedding planning. He's a fashion consultant, bachelor-party master of ceremonies, and
commander-in-chief of the groomsmen brigade. His duties include (but aren't limited to):
getting the groom to the ceremony on time; giving the officiant his/her fee after the
ceremony; signing the couple's marriage license as a witness; and holding the bride's ring at the
altar. He also is famous for his toasting skills at the reception.
out with your co-directorial debut, I have prepared a cross-section of the wedding day cast of
characters. (Keep in mind that most roles can be played by either gender, and by as many
people as you want.)
Best Man/Attendant
This guy (and rarely gals) acts as groom's valet (personal aide and advisor) through all stages of
wedding planning. He's a fashion consultant, bachelor-party master of ceremonies, and
commander-in-chief of the groomsmen brigade. His duties include (but aren't limited to):
getting the groom to the ceremony on time; giving the officiant his/her fee after the
ceremony; signing the couple's marriage license as a witness; and holding the bride's ring at the
altar. He also is famous for his toasting skills at the reception.
Who's Who in the Wedding Party?
Maid/Matron/Man of Honor
Whether she's been down the aisle herself (matron) or not (maid) -- she (or sometimes he) is there to supply a second
pair of eyes and provide emotional support as needed. She/he should be someone who is dear to your heart. In
general, the maid of honor heads up the bridal shower and handles numerous wedding day details, which might include
toasting the bride and groom, signing the marriage license, adjusting the bride's train at the altar, holding her bouquet
during vows, and collecting gift envelopes at the reception. She also should help the bride get dressed, taking care to
frequently remind her that she looks beautiful. She is the last bridesmaid to walk down the aisle before the bride,
holding the groom's ring on her thumb.
Bridesmaids
Trustworthy gal pals and female family members who form the bride's entourage (and ostensibly work well together).
They are a support team, helping with pre-wedding tasks when asked (addressing invites, making shower favors,
planning the bachelorette party, and more). Bridesmaids are often expected to hit the dance floor running and play
surrogate hostesses to guests. They can also help throw a bridal shower, and are key guests at all pre-wedding parties.
Groomsmen
A posse of male family and friends who assist the groom in planning and preparing for the big day. Their chief
responsibility is to help the best man plan, pay for the bachelor party and to support the groom. It's also common to
have groomsmen do double duty as ushers, leaving their posts in time to process with the rest of the bridal party. They
also get to decorate the getaway car, dance with dateless ladies at the reception, and act as a resource for confused
guests.
Ushers
Males (or females) who escort guests to their seats before the ceremony. Ushers are often employed in addition to
groomsmen -- this way you can involve other important guys in the big day, including pre-teen relatives who may not
have been up for planning a lascivious bachelor party.
Father of the Bride
In traditional wedding circles, this guy fronts most of the cash -- that's no small feat. In addition, brides' dads have
picked up additional to-dos along the way. Dad's chores might include airport duty, coordinating maps/directions to the
wedding site, scouting potential locations, doling out tips to wedding day staff, and a variety of toasting and hosting
tasks. The best part being the escort to the bride as she walks down the aisle.
Father of the Groom
He used to get away with fading into the woodwork, but nowadays he's suited up for action. In terms of cost
contribution, the groom's dad traditionally pays for a few major items, notably the rehearsal dinner. He might also fulfill
numerous dancing, toasting, and "manly" obligations (i.e., escort elderly women, move tables, address problematic
service). It's nice, too, if he checks in with the bride's dad occasionally to offer moral support.
Mother of the Bride
The bride's mom may serve as wedding planner, guest list moderator, traditional reception hostess, fashion critic, and
cheerleader. Other possible duties include researching family and ethnic traditions, attending the shower and rehearsal
dinner, and dancing the night away at the reception. The nature of the bride's mother's role is entirely up to the bride.
Mother of the Groom
The groom's mom can assume any of the bride's mom's responsibilities, if she's up for it. Dole out to-dos diplomatically
to prevent conflicts. She attends the shower, and is escorted down the aisle during the prelude. Her shining moment?
The mother/son dance.
Junior Bridesmaids/Junior Groomsmen/Junior Ushers
These are young members of the wedding party (aged 9-16). They'll attend all major functions (excluding Adult-Rated
ones) and fulfill the same responsibilities as senior squad members. Lasses can wear less-sexy versions of the bridesmaid
dresses (if the dresses are risqué); lads may don a tux like the big guys.
Flower Girl
One or two flower girls, between the ages of 4 and 8, walk down the aisle alone or with the ring bearer. They can carry
pomanders (balls of flowers that match the bridesmaids' or bride's bouquet held by a ribbon, a basket of rose petals to
scatter, or baby roses to pass out as they walk down the aisle.
Ring Bearer
A young boy (or girl) between the ages of 4 and 6, who walks down the aisle just before the flower girl (if there is one),
carrying a small decorative pillow with two rings tied to it (usually fakes, in case they are lost) or carried within a
decorative treasure box. He may walk alone or escort the flower girl.
Candle Lighting
Ushers or other designated people light the candelabras and candles located in the altar area of the ceremony when the
prelude music begins about 15-20 minutes before the ceremony begins. Also, in some Christian ceremonies, candles are
lit at the altar just before the mother of the bride (see below) is seated. Candle lighters may dress like the wedding
party or not. Another choice is to let the parents or the mothers of the bride and groom light the two tapers of the
unity candle which usually occurs right after the mother-of-the-bride walks down the aisle.
Officiant
The cleric or city official who performs the marriage ceremony. Examples include a priest, a rabbi, a minister, a wedding
celebrant or a justice of the peace.
Hattabin
A Muslim term for male family or friends who help prepare the groom for and participate in the wedding. Among
Moroccan Muslims, it's common for the hattabin to propose to the bride on the groom's behalf.
Huppah Carriers
In Jewish weddings, individuals close to the bride and groom (usually family members or close friends) may hold up the
huppah poles during the ceremony. They are often part of the shushavim (see below).
Koumbaro/Koumbara
The Koumbaro is the Eastern Orthodox groom's best man. (The Koumbara is the female version.) Traditionally, the
koumbaros was the groom's godfather, but today any close male relative or friend can do the job. In traditional Greek
weddings, the koumbaro's role is highly symbolic, and his duties are many. For example, during the crowning ceremony,
he must place the crowns on the bride's and groom's heads, then switch the crowns back and forth three times, uniting
and binding the two lovebirds.
Pages/Train Bearers
Young girls (or boys) aged six through nine who carry the bride's extra-long train (think of Lady Di's wedding) as she
walks down the aisle. Also known as "train bearers."
Shushavim
A Jewish term describing anyone close to the bride and groom who helps them plan and prepare for marriage. In many
Jewish weddings, there is no traditional wedding party, but certain members of the shushavim (a mom, a sister, a best
friend) might perform similar tasks.
Vratimi
Basically, they're Greek groomsmen. In traditional Eastern Orthodox weddings, the vratimi is a pack of the groom's male
friends who help the koumbaro carry out his traditional role and perform various rituals.
Very Important Extras
Very important extras who act as readers, singers, poets, or party aides. A VIE can also serve as guest book captain
(makes sure all guests sign), program passer, bubbles/rice/petals, confetti assistant, tradition bearer (walks down the
aisle toting a family heirloom or heritage symbol), or etiquette guru (fields all guest questions that begin with, "Is it
okay if...").
Whether she's been down the aisle herself (matron) or not (maid) -- she (or sometimes he) is there to supply a second
pair of eyes and provide emotional support as needed. She/he should be someone who is dear to your heart. In
general, the maid of honor heads up the bridal shower and handles numerous wedding day details, which might include
toasting the bride and groom, signing the marriage license, adjusting the bride's train at the altar, holding her bouquet
during vows, and collecting gift envelopes at the reception. She also should help the bride get dressed, taking care to
frequently remind her that she looks beautiful. She is the last bridesmaid to walk down the aisle before the bride,
holding the groom's ring on her thumb.
Bridesmaids
Trustworthy gal pals and female family members who form the bride's entourage (and ostensibly work well together).
They are a support team, helping with pre-wedding tasks when asked (addressing invites, making shower favors,
planning the bachelorette party, and more). Bridesmaids are often expected to hit the dance floor running and play
surrogate hostesses to guests. They can also help throw a bridal shower, and are key guests at all pre-wedding parties.
Groomsmen
A posse of male family and friends who assist the groom in planning and preparing for the big day. Their chief
responsibility is to help the best man plan, pay for the bachelor party and to support the groom. It's also common to
have groomsmen do double duty as ushers, leaving their posts in time to process with the rest of the bridal party. They
also get to decorate the getaway car, dance with dateless ladies at the reception, and act as a resource for confused
guests.
Ushers
Males (or females) who escort guests to their seats before the ceremony. Ushers are often employed in addition to
groomsmen -- this way you can involve other important guys in the big day, including pre-teen relatives who may not
have been up for planning a lascivious bachelor party.
Father of the Bride
In traditional wedding circles, this guy fronts most of the cash -- that's no small feat. In addition, brides' dads have
picked up additional to-dos along the way. Dad's chores might include airport duty, coordinating maps/directions to the
wedding site, scouting potential locations, doling out tips to wedding day staff, and a variety of toasting and hosting
tasks. The best part being the escort to the bride as she walks down the aisle.
Father of the Groom
He used to get away with fading into the woodwork, but nowadays he's suited up for action. In terms of cost
contribution, the groom's dad traditionally pays for a few major items, notably the rehearsal dinner. He might also fulfill
numerous dancing, toasting, and "manly" obligations (i.e., escort elderly women, move tables, address problematic
service). It's nice, too, if he checks in with the bride's dad occasionally to offer moral support.
Mother of the Bride
The bride's mom may serve as wedding planner, guest list moderator, traditional reception hostess, fashion critic, and
cheerleader. Other possible duties include researching family and ethnic traditions, attending the shower and rehearsal
dinner, and dancing the night away at the reception. The nature of the bride's mother's role is entirely up to the bride.
Mother of the Groom
The groom's mom can assume any of the bride's mom's responsibilities, if she's up for it. Dole out to-dos diplomatically
to prevent conflicts. She attends the shower, and is escorted down the aisle during the prelude. Her shining moment?
The mother/son dance.
Junior Bridesmaids/Junior Groomsmen/Junior Ushers
These are young members of the wedding party (aged 9-16). They'll attend all major functions (excluding Adult-Rated
ones) and fulfill the same responsibilities as senior squad members. Lasses can wear less-sexy versions of the bridesmaid
dresses (if the dresses are risqué); lads may don a tux like the big guys.
Flower Girl
One or two flower girls, between the ages of 4 and 8, walk down the aisle alone or with the ring bearer. They can carry
pomanders (balls of flowers that match the bridesmaids' or bride's bouquet held by a ribbon, a basket of rose petals to
scatter, or baby roses to pass out as they walk down the aisle.
Ring Bearer
A young boy (or girl) between the ages of 4 and 6, who walks down the aisle just before the flower girl (if there is one),
carrying a small decorative pillow with two rings tied to it (usually fakes, in case they are lost) or carried within a
decorative treasure box. He may walk alone or escort the flower girl.
Candle Lighting
Ushers or other designated people light the candelabras and candles located in the altar area of the ceremony when the
prelude music begins about 15-20 minutes before the ceremony begins. Also, in some Christian ceremonies, candles are
lit at the altar just before the mother of the bride (see below) is seated. Candle lighters may dress like the wedding
party or not. Another choice is to let the parents or the mothers of the bride and groom light the two tapers of the
unity candle which usually occurs right after the mother-of-the-bride walks down the aisle.
Officiant
The cleric or city official who performs the marriage ceremony. Examples include a priest, a rabbi, a minister, a wedding
celebrant or a justice of the peace.
Hattabin
A Muslim term for male family or friends who help prepare the groom for and participate in the wedding. Among
Moroccan Muslims, it's common for the hattabin to propose to the bride on the groom's behalf.
Huppah Carriers
In Jewish weddings, individuals close to the bride and groom (usually family members or close friends) may hold up the
huppah poles during the ceremony. They are often part of the shushavim (see below).
Koumbaro/Koumbara
The Koumbaro is the Eastern Orthodox groom's best man. (The Koumbara is the female version.) Traditionally, the
koumbaros was the groom's godfather, but today any close male relative or friend can do the job. In traditional Greek
weddings, the koumbaro's role is highly symbolic, and his duties are many. For example, during the crowning ceremony,
he must place the crowns on the bride's and groom's heads, then switch the crowns back and forth three times, uniting
and binding the two lovebirds.
Pages/Train Bearers
Young girls (or boys) aged six through nine who carry the bride's extra-long train (think of Lady Di's wedding) as she
walks down the aisle. Also known as "train bearers."
Shushavim
A Jewish term describing anyone close to the bride and groom who helps them plan and prepare for marriage. In many
Jewish weddings, there is no traditional wedding party, but certain members of the shushavim (a mom, a sister, a best
friend) might perform similar tasks.
Vratimi
Basically, they're Greek groomsmen. In traditional Eastern Orthodox weddings, the vratimi is a pack of the groom's male
friends who help the koumbaro carry out his traditional role and perform various rituals.
Very Important Extras
Very important extras who act as readers, singers, poets, or party aides. A VIE can also serve as guest book captain
(makes sure all guests sign), program passer, bubbles/rice/petals, confetti assistant, tradition bearer (walks down the
aisle toting a family heirloom or heritage symbol), or etiquette guru (fields all guest questions that begin with, "Is it
okay if...").
| Copyright © 2010 Carolyn Burke - Wedding Liaison |
